when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
