operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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