I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
