i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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