I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
