I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
