I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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