I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
