hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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