Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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