Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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