i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
