I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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