You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
