Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
