You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
