i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
