last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
