did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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