i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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