Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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