he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
