my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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