dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
