Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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