i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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