Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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