I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
