I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
