how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
