I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
