Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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