i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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