Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
