I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
