need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
