His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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