Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
