i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
