Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
