I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
