at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
