final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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