You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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