My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize