the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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