I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
