i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
