Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
