You're my little dorito
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
