Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
