My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
