His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize