Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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