I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
