I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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