i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
