would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We need a shit load of segways right now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
