i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
