is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
