hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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