i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
