She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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