her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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