Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
