May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
