Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
