considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
