He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I want is dick and wine.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
