sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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