She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think my mom watched the whole time
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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