he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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