How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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