i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
