UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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